Don't get me wrong I'm appreciative of what my dad has given me throughout my life..but at the same time.. I'm so fucking sick of his shit!!..I've had all I'm going to take from him I've lost all respect for him as a man. Honestly whenever I look at him I just see this little boy who is so insecure about his ego he just bully's every one around him.. The older he gets the worst he gets he's turning into the very same person he has so much hatred for.. I feel like a lot of the division in our family both on his side and my moms he has played a role in dividing us.. I still some what blame Nicholis death on him.. If he wasn't the little bitch he is Nicholi could have came and stayed with us but it's like if he's not happy no one else deserves to be..I used to hate how he would use favoritism to get me and Britney against each other.. I hate the fact that no matter how much I don't want to care whenever he puts me down that same feeling of rejection and me not being good enough just comes rushing back in like blood flowing from a fresh wound..even tho I've worked so hard put up these walls and all this armor and just one sentence or a word can just have me feeling like that sad little girl I try to bury who was willing to kill herself just to get away from the family that raised and tormented and hurt her so much.. Just one word and all that I've done to not feel to not show emotion goes down the drain.. Altho you'll never see me she's those tears bc you are undeserving of them.